Avatards feeble attempt at humor.

Avatard · 07-18-2009, 10:49 AM

How can you tell if the stage is level?
The Drummer drools out of both sides of his mouth.

What did the drummer get on his SATs?
Drool.

What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians?
A Drummer.

Did you hear about the bassplayer that locked his keys in the van?
Had to break the window to let the drummer out.

Avatard · 07-18-2009, 06:19 PM

How do you make a guitarist turn down?
Put sheet music in front of him.

What do you call a lead guitarist that just broke up with his girlfriend?
Homeless.

Avatard · 07-18-2009, 07:21 PM

What's the first thing a lead singer does in the morning?
Puts their pants on, and goes home.

How many lead singers does it take to change a lightbulb?
One. They hold the bulb, and the world revolves around them.

Musician dies, goes to heaven. All his musical idols are there, and he's sitting in on the gig! He sits through the very best, dumbstruck, and then blows a ridiculous solo himself, and then sits down with a massive, shit-eating grin. He wows aloud at how fucking amazing this gig really is, when the cat next to him says "it's not all gravy...you see, God has a girlfriend, and she sings..."

Avatard · 07-18-2009, 07:29 PM

Why do all sound techs say "testing, 1-2-3"?
Because if they can count to 4, they make 'em the bassplayer.

What's the difference between an onion a trombone?
No one cries when you cut up a trombone.

What's the definition of a true gentleman?
Someone who knows how to play the accordian, and doesn't.

Avatard · 07-18-2009, 07:33 PM

What's the difference between a violin, and a viola?
The viola burns a little bit longer.

Avatard · 07-18-2009, 07:37 PM

What's the difference between a musician, and a turkey?
A turkey can feed a family of 4.

askmrjesus · 07-19-2009, 09:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Avatard

How can you tell if the stage is level?
The Drummer drools out of both sides of his mouth.

This is my favorite drummer joke of all time.

JC

Avatard · 07-20-2009, 03:23 PM

I thought you'd like the "God's girlfriend" joke the best.

Someone is seemingly always bringing a girl he's banging "into the band"...and while she may possess other talents, almost never is singing among any of those apparent.

askmrjesus · 07-20-2009, 03:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Avatard

I thought you'd like the "God's girlfriend" joke the best.

Yeah, but as a former stage carpenter, I've seen the drooling drummer theory at work.

JC

Particle Man · 07-20-2009, 04:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by askmrjesus

Yeah, but as a former stage carpenter, I've seen the drooling drummer theory at work.

JC

Hey, we don't all drool.

That much.

07-18-2009, 10:49 AM	#1
Avatard Crotch Rocket Curmudgeon Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Here to integrity Moto: Li'l red baby Ninja Posts: 7,482	Avatards feeble attempt at humor. How can you tell if the stage is level? The Drummer drools out of both sides of his mouth. What did the drummer get on his SATs? Drool. What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians? A Drummer. Did you hear about the bassplayer that locked his keys in the van? Had to break the window to let the drummer out. __________________ Insert free thought here. Last edited by Avatard; 07-19-2009 at 02:41 PM..

07-18-2009, 06:19 PM	#2
Avatard Crotch Rocket Curmudgeon Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Here to integrity Moto: Li'l red baby Ninja Posts: 7,482	How do you make a guitarist turn down? Put sheet music in front of him. What do you call a lead guitarist that just broke up with his girlfriend? Homeless. __________________ Insert free thought here.

07-18-2009, 07:21 PM	#3
Avatard Crotch Rocket Curmudgeon Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Here to integrity Moto: Li'l red baby Ninja Posts: 7,482	What's the first thing a lead singer does in the morning? Puts their pants on, and goes home. How many lead singers does it take to change a lightbulb? One. They hold the bulb, and the world revolves around them. Musician dies, goes to heaven. All his musical idols are there, and he's sitting in on the gig! He sits through the very best, dumbstruck, and then blows a ridiculous solo himself, and then sits down with a massive, shit-eating grin. He wows aloud at how fucking amazing this gig really is, when the cat next to him says "it's not all gravy...you see, God has a girlfriend, and she sings..." __________________ Insert free thought here. Last edited by Avatard; 07-18-2009 at 07:35 PM..

07-18-2009, 07:29 PM	#4
Avatard Crotch Rocket Curmudgeon Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Here to integrity Moto: Li'l red baby Ninja Posts: 7,482	Why do all sound techs say "testing, 1-2-3"? Because if they can count to 4, they make 'em the bassplayer. What's the difference between an onion a trombone? No one cries when you cut up a trombone. What's the definition of a true gentleman? Someone who knows how to play the accordian, and doesn't. __________________ Insert free thought here.

07-18-2009, 07:33 PM	#5
Avatard Crotch Rocket Curmudgeon Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Here to integrity Moto: Li'l red baby Ninja Posts: 7,482	What's the difference between a violin, and a viola? The viola burns a little bit longer. __________________ Insert free thought here.

07-18-2009, 07:37 PM	#6
Avatard Crotch Rocket Curmudgeon Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Here to integrity Moto: Li'l red baby Ninja Posts: 7,482	What's the difference between a musician, and a turkey? A turkey can feed a family of 4. __________________ Insert free thought here.

07-20-2009, 03:23 PM	#8
Avatard Crotch Rocket Curmudgeon Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Here to integrity Moto: Li'l red baby Ninja Posts: 7,482	Really? I thought you'd like the "God's girlfriend" joke the best. Someone is seemingly always bringing a girl he's banging "into the band"...and while she may possess other talents, almost never is singing among any of those apparent. __________________ Insert free thought here.