UPS pilot funny

RACER X · 12-02-2009, 11:20 AM

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit

S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent...

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search

P: Aircraft handles funny.

(I love this one!):

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget

Trip · 12-02-2009, 11:21 AM

This one has shown up in a lot of different airlines/military/freight companies now.

BTW, repost.

Cruzergirl · 12-02-2009, 11:23 AM

These are so old but ALWAYS worth the read!

Rider · 12-02-2009, 11:35 AM

Welcome to 1996.

CasterTroy · 12-02-2009, 11:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rider

Welcome to 1996.

Dang why can't I find that pic of Trace sportin a mullet

Bluestreak · 12-02-2009, 01:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CasterTroy

Dang why can't I find that pic of Trace sportin a mullet

You mean this one?

Particle Man · 12-02-2009, 01:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bluestreak

You mean this one?

derf · 12-02-2009, 07:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bluestreak

You mean this one?

Awesome, saved for posterity and future use.

RACER X · 12-02-2009, 01:03 PM

OMG..........:

CasterTroy · 12-02-2009, 01:13 PM

Score!

12-02-2009, 11:20 AM	#1
RACER X AMA Supersport Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Richmond, Tx Moto: '10 Tuono Factory Posts: 4,569	UPS pilot funny After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident. P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit S: Something tightened in cockpit P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order. P: Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent... S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what friction locks are for. P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!): S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. And the best one for last P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget __________________ ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ 2014 GROM! 181cc of FURY 2010 Aprilia Tuono Factory - SOLD 2009 SFV Gladius - SOLD 2008 Hayabusa - SOLD.

12-02-2009, 01:03 PM	#9
RACER X AMA Supersport Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Richmond, Tx Moto: '10 Tuono Factory Posts: 4,569	OMG..........: __________________ ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ 2014 GROM! 181cc of FURY 2010 Aprilia Tuono Factory - SOLD 2009 SFV Gladius - SOLD 2008 Hayabusa - SOLD.

12-02-2009, 01:13 PM	#10
CasterTroy ................ Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: NC Posts: 3,028	Score! __________________ “Being tolerant does not mean that I share another one’s belief. But it does mean that I acknowledge another one’s right to believe, and obey, his own conscience.” Viktor Frankl

12-02-2009, 11:23 AM	#3
Cruzergirl Its a good day. Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Pace, FL Moto: Victory Kingpin Low Posts: 951	These are so old but ALWAYS worth the read!

12-02-2009, 11:35 AM	#4
Rider Moto GP Star Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 12,156	Welcome to 1996.