Dear Abby...

[z06boy]

Spanking = emo ?

Now that was funny !!

[shmike]

Originally Posted by Rider

Funny you ask, because I have had this happen on more than one occasion. I'll always defend myself and my wife, but I have still never spanked him or hit him.. I have pinned my son to the ground before until he calmed down. Another time I lifted him off the ground and dropped him on his tail bone. Oh and for the record, CPS was notified about that event and they came out to my house to investigate. My son is now 12 as of a couple of weeks ago and he is about 5'7" and about 160lbs+. He also takes Taekwondo and has been in competitive wrestling. Thankfully he hasn't been physical in a while, I think the CPS visit got his attention. He also knows that if that ever happened again, his ass would be kicked out of my house forever. My daughter I dont have to worry about, she is a sweet little angel.

So spanking = bad.

Wrestling(pinning) the kid to the ground / throwing them on ass = acceptable.

Got it.

[Rider]

Originally Posted by shmike

So spanking = bad.

Wrestling(pinning) the kid to the ground / throwing them on ass = acceptable.

Got it.

Pinning him to the ground inflicted no pain. The dropping him on his ass was out of self defense. What part of spanking is self defense? None! You fail, pack up your bags and go home.

[JoJoYZF]

Originally Posted by shmike

So spanking = bad.

Wrestling(pinning) the kid to the ground / throwing them on ass = acceptable.

Got it.

Thats what Im lost on too. So you wont smack them on the ass, but pinning them to the ground and actually picking them up and throwing them on their ass is ok? What kind of logic is that?

And I was only spanked once or twice as a kid, but it definitely got the job done. I was rarely in trouble, so when I actually got that, I knew I fucked up. And no rider, I did not grow up to resent my parents for it. I deserved it the few times I got it.

[JoJoYZF]

Originally Posted by Rider

Pinning him to the ground inflicted no pain. The dropping him on his ass was out of self defense. What part of spanking is self defense? None! You fail, pack up your bags and go home.

Nope, just inflicted discomfort, which is about all the spankings I got caused. I didnt get beat within an inch of my life, I got smacked on the ass to show me I fucked up pretty bad.

[Mr Lefty]

Originally Posted by Rider

My point is is that if you have to spank your kids to get them to listen to you, then you are doing it wrong. Spanking them makes them resent you AND fear you. I don't want my kids to be afraid of me, I want my kids respect me as a parent and listen what I have to say, not listen for fear of having pain inflicted upon them. I don't want my kids to ever be afraid of anything. You go ahead and spank your kids and when they turn out emo, you have no one to blame but yourself.

I disagree... I never feared my dad... I feared the repercussions if I did something wrong. but not my dad...

to be honest... it took me a lot longer to earn proper respect for my mom... because she never spanked me... all her punishments were telling me to go sit in my room... or what ever.

it wasn't until my senior year before I really started listening to my mom... and that was only because I realized what an asshole I was being to her and wanted to stop.

My dad on the other hand had my respect for as long as I remember... not because I feared the belt... but because I knew his words weren't empty.

[VatorMan]

Glad to hear SOME common sense in this thread.

Not every spanking is violent. How many times did you tell your kid (or were told as a kid) that the stove is hot before (he) you had to touch it to see if it was true?
MOST kids will push the envelope to see how far they can go before the parent decides to discipline. Parents need to learn what type of discipline works on every child. My son had an iron ass-so his discipline usually revolved around truly suck ass chores or writing sentences. My daughter I could correct just by a pop on the butt. She was a really good kid-I maybe had to 4 times in her life.

Teenage years-I threatened to take them to school and drop them off at the front door wearing my cowboy boots-Dallas Cowboy Zubaz (look it up if you don't know) and a wife beater on. They knew I would do it too. It worked.

Both have since graduated from college with my daughter a year from her Masters degree. BOTH have said they appreciate the discipline in our house as their friends are all f'ed up. You guessed it, Non discipline parents.

[fatbuckRTO]

Originally Posted by Rider

Pinning him to the ground inflicted no pain. The dropping him on his ass was out of self defense. What part of spanking is self defense? None!

That's the whole point. Spanking is precautionary, or pre-emptive, however you want to phrase it. Having to defend yourself or your wife via jiu jutsu is reactionary. I would prefer to demonstrate to a child that I can take care of them physically before I'm actually defending people from him/her.

Kids need to fear certain things, in my opinion. Parents should definitely be two of them.

In the end, it's not about self defense. It's about teaching the child the way the world works. You fuck up = real, tangible, often immediate consequences. No amount of talking to or yelling at or grounding will drive the lesson home as effectively as a sharp pain in the backside, especially not for vocabularily challenged toddlers (which is when the lessons should start, I think).

[fatbuckRTO]

Originally Posted by 2up

But how does hitting teach that hitting is bad? My kids NEVER raised a hand to me. And let me assure you that one of my daughter's went through a VERY pain in the ass teenage phase. Wanna know why? Because her father was a strict asshole who never took the time to speak to his children about what was going on with them. He just spanked them and grounded them without finding out if, for example, they were having a tough time with a certain class because it was a subject that was inherently difficult for them.

I guess that depends on the lesson you want to teach. In my opinion, hitting is not bad. Hitting certain people is bad. Parents, for starters. Hitting people who have done nothing to you is bad. But hitting to defend yourself or others is sometimes necessary and good. Raising a child to completely fear and misunderstand violence in a violent world is not a good idea, in my opinion.

Punishment of any kind can be damaging if the child doesn't realize what it's for, and especially if the parent doesn't even realize what it's for. If the offense is bad enough, a spanking immediately after the fact leaves little doubt. Bad grades are not a "bad enough" offense in my opinion, and require some effort on the part of the parent and the child to rectify.

As an example of what I consider a "spankable offense," my stepdaughter yelled at her mother about a year back. She immediately got a spanking. No yelling since then, and if she starts to get lippy a stern warning is enough.

At any rate, there is no equality or fairness between parent and child. Parents can and should do things that children cannot and should not. That's another lesson that needs to be learned early, I think. I'm not saying be a total hypocrite in front of your children, but there's a middle ground there between total hypocrite and grounding yourself if you let a curse word slip. Parents are the boss, period, and children should be made to understand that.

But did you ever think that one of the reasons your children never raised a hand to you is because they feared their father?

[2up]

Originally Posted by fatbuckRTO

At any rate, there is no equality or fairness between parent and child. Parents can and should do things that children cannot and should not. That's another lesson that needs to be learned early, I think. I'm not saying be a total hypocrite in front of your children, but there's a middle ground there between total hypocrite and grounding yourself if you let a curse word slip. Parents are the boss, period, and children should be made to understand that.

But did you ever think that one of the reasons your children never raised a hand to you is because they feared their father?

I agree that children are not the equal to their parents. While I don't agree with a full-on "do as I say, not as I do" atmosphere, I had no problem explaining to my kids that certain things in life are earned, certain things in life are age appropriate, etc. That's where openness and communication come into play. At the end of the day if they didn't like the explanations, too bad.

And, no, their actions towards me had nothing to do with their father. I left him when they were both under 3. Of course I should add that his other prefered menthod of handling his children was path of least resistance, when at all possible. Meaning, if what needed to be done to keep them on track required effort on his part, he let them get their way. Its kind of like the parent whose kid is throwing a tantrum (as in they don't want to go to bed and keep getting out of bed) and the parent gets lazy after awhile and doesn't make the child stay in bed.

I also think that spanking can be a symptom of lazy parenting. Not always of course, but, it is a lot easier to spank a kid then to actually talk to them and deal with what they've done.