Dear Abby...

[fatbuckRTO]

Originally Posted by Rider

I was talking about the people who responded to this thread, not the general population.

I accept your internet poll challenge.

[shmike]

IIRC, prior to you there was one parent that had a no touching policy.

All others believed in or have used corporal punishment.

What did I miss?

[fnfalman]

Nothing wrong with corporal punishment...as long as it's properly meted out. Because frankly lots of times, talking and timeouts and taking away toys just won't do it but a bit of pain would serve quite well as reminders. However, there's a way to mete out punishment. Most people who beat their kids do it out of anger and beat their kids insensate. That does nothing but numb the kids to the pain not to mention doing some fucked shits to their heads. For example, when my brothers and I were children, we were quite mischevious and misbehaved on a regular basis.

Our father and grandfather would start whomping on us and it did nothing but bred resentment. We never cried no matter how hard they slapped and kicked us.

When my mother did it, she explained to us what we did was wrong and why it disappointed her that she would have to beat us. She used a switch which only did superficial damage but quite painful. However, the most important thing was that she made us feel remorseful about doing the things that we did.

[Papa_Complex]

Originally Posted by Rider

It's funny, most of the advocates of hitting your kid, don't have kids and most of them that do have kids are against it. Maybe it's a good thing some of you don't have kids.

Kids don't need to be beaten. You need to discipline them at an early age that what you say goes and if they disobey, then there are consequences to be paid, like no TV/Video games, no desert, no toys...... If you have to beat your kids to get them to listen to you, then maybe you are just not a good parent.

There is a night and day difference between physical punishment and 'beating' your kids.

[Rider]

Originally Posted by Papa_Complex

There is a night and day difference between physical punishment and 'beating' your kids.

My point is is that if you have to spank your kids to get them to listen to you, then you are doing it wrong. Spanking them makes them resent you AND fear you. I don't want my kids to be afraid of me, I want my kids respect me as a parent and listen what I have to say, not listen for fear of having pain inflicted upon them. I don't want my kids to ever be afraid of anything. You go ahead and spank your kids and when they turn out emo, you have no one to blame but yourself.

[Papa_Complex]

Originally Posted by Rider

My point is is that if you have to spank your kids to get them to listen to you, then you are doing it wrong. Spanking them makes them resent you AND fear you. I don't want my kids to be afraid of me, I want my kids respect me as a parent and listen what I have to say, not listen for fear of having pain inflicted upon them. I don't want my kids to ever be afraid of anything. You go ahead and spank your kids and when they turn out emo, you have no one to blame but yourself.

How many adults do you know who were spanked as children, then turned out emo? The emo types that I've run into have traditionally been coddled kids who got a rather rude awakening when they got out into the real world, then found out that it'll slap them down hard for being stupid (or just for kicks).

[fatbuckRTO]

In some cases, the lesson could easily be lost by waiting for some presently intangible punishment to manifest (i.e., waiting for a grounding to sink in or waiting for a good-talking-too actually be heard).

Rider, I'm curious what you do in response to an act that requires instant, immediate, and inarguable recognition that the act will not be tolerated. For instance, what would you do if one of your kids struck you or your wife?

[Rider]

Originally Posted by Papa_Complex

How many adults do you know who were spanked as children, then turned out emo? The emo types that I've run into have traditionally been coddled kids who got a rather rude awakening when they got out into the real world, then found out that it'll slap them down hard for being stupid (or just for kicks).

That's why I have very strict rules in my house. Probably tougher than most.

[2up]

Originally Posted by fatbuckRTO

In some cases, the lesson could easily be lost by waiting for some presently intangible punishment to manifest (i.e., waiting for a grounding to sink in or waiting for a good-talking-too actually be heard).

Rider, I'm curious what you do in response to an act that requires instant, immediate, and inarguable recognition that the act will not be tolerated. For instance, what would you do if one of your kids struck you or your wife?

But how does hitting teach that hitting is bad? My kids NEVER raised a hand to me. And let me assure you that one of my daughter's went through a VERY pain in the ass teenage phase. Wanna know why? Because her father was a strict asshole who never took the time to speak to his children about what was going on with them. He just spanked them and grounded them without finding out if, for example, they were having a tough time with a certain class because it was a subject that was inherently difficult for them.

[Rider]

Originally Posted by fatbuckRTO

Rider, I'm curious what you do in response to an act that requires instant, immediate, and inarguable recognition that the act will not be tolerated. For instance, what would you do if one of your kids struck you or your wife?

Funny you ask, because I have had this happen on more than one occasion. I'll always defend myself and my wife, but I have still never spanked him or hit him.. I have pinned my son to the ground before until he calmed down. Another time I lifted him off the ground and dropped him on his tail bone. Oh and for the record, CPS was notified about that event and they came out to my house to investigate. My son is now 12 as of a couple of weeks ago and he is about 5'7" and about 160lbs+. He also takes Taekwondo and has been in competitive wrestling. Thankfully he hasn't been physical in a while, I think the CPS visit got his attention. He also knows that if that ever happened again, his ass would be kicked out of my house forever. My daughter I dont have to worry about, she is a sweet little angel.