Funny Stuff

HurricaneHeather · 10-05-2009, 07:33 PM

Sorry if it's a repost. I just think these are funny.

Random Thoughts of the Day:

More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think
about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own
story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize
you're wrong.

I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have
fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when
they've invented the lighter?

Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going
in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going?
But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from
which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or
phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no
one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching
directions on the sidewalk.

The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This
recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be
ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.

There is a great need for sarcasm font.

I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes
stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes
shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right
parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond
earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.

How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take
2 trips to bring my groceries in.

I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your
computer history if you die.

The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a
text.

A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of
mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

Was learning cursive really necessary?

Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is
absolutely petrifying.

Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear
is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and
smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

I love the sense of camaraderie when a n entire line of cars teams up to
prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively
swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know
how to get out of my neighborhood.

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person
died.

I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower
first and THEN turn on the water.

I would like to officially coin the phrase 'catching the swine flu' to be
used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an overweight
woman. Example: "Dave caught the swine flu last night."

I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

Bad decisions make good stories

Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is
public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB
gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would
probably just be completely invisible.

Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around
and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous?
Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when
you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for
the rest of the day.

Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to
have to restart my collection.

There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to
die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I
want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did
not make any changes to.

I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV.
There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I
keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a
matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be
friends after this?'

I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damnit!), but
when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail.
What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing
anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't
already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for
pedophiles...

Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know
what time it is.

It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer
when they call.

I think that if, years down the road when I'm trying to have a kid, I find
out that I'm sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that
I was not aware of my condition in college.

Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with
it.

Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a
pocket and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can
find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes
closed, first time every time...

I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday
night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

10-05-2009, 07:33 PM	#1
HurricaneHeather AMA Supersport Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Sydney Moto: '98 Honda Fireblade Posts: 3,696	Funny Stuff Sorry if it's a repost. I just think these are funny. Random Thoughts of the Day: More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter? Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk. The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again. There is a great need for sarcasm font. I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text. A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it. Was learning cursive really necessary? Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say". I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying. Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart". How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said? I love the sense of camaraderie when a n entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers! While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water. I would like to officially coin the phrase 'catching the swine flu' to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an overweight woman. Example: "Dave caught the swine flu last night." I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired. Bad decisions make good stories Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do! Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year? If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible. Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem.... You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to. I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?' I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away? I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste. When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking. Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles... Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is. It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. I think that if, years down the road when I'm trying to have a kid, I find out that I'm sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college. Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time... I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.