Diary of a snow shoveler

[pauldun170]

> Diary of a snow shoveler, probable location - North East
>
> December 8 - 6:00 PM
> It started to snow.
> The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven.
> It looked like a Grandma Moses Print.
> So romantic we felt like newlyweds again.
> I love snow!
>
> December 9
> We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape.
> What a fantastic sight!
> Can there be a lovelier place in the whole world?
> Moving here was the best idea I've ever had!
> Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again.
> I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.
> This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again.
> What a perfect life!
>
> December 12
> The sun has melted all our lovely snow.
> Such a disappointment!
> My neighbor tells me not to worry- we'll definitely have a white Christmas.
> No snow on Christmas would be awful!
> Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again
> I don't think that's possible.
> Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.
>
> December 14
> Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night.
> The temperature dropped to -20.
> The cold makes everything sparkle so.
> The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks.
> This is the life!
> The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again.
> I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way.
> I wish l wouldn't huff and puff so.
>
> December 15
> 20 inches forecast.
> Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
> Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels.
> Stocked the freezer.
> The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out.
> I think that's silly.
> We aren't in Alaska, after all.
>
> December 16
> Ice storm this morning.
> Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt.
> Hurt like hell.
> The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
>
> December 17
> Still way below freezing.
> Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
> Electricity was off for 5 hours.
> I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm.
> Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her.
> Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her.
> God I hate it when she's right.
> I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
>
> December 20
> Electricity's back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night.
> More shoveling!
> Took all day.
> The damn snowplow came by twice.
> Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey.
> I think they're lying.
> Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out.
> Might have another shipment in March.
> I think they're lying.
> Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me.
> I think he's lying.
>
> December 22
> Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till August.
> Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss.
> By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel.
> Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the asshole is lying.
>
> December 23
> Only 2 inches of snow today
> And it warmed up to 0.
> The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning.
> What is she, nuts?!!
> Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago?
> She says she did but I think she's lying.
>
> December 24
> 6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel.
> Thought I was having a heart attack.
> If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snow plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel.
> I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been!
> Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow.
>
> December 25
> Merry freaking Christmas!
> 20 more inches of the damn slop tonight -Snowed in.
> The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil.
> God, I hate the snow!
> Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel.
> The wife says I have a bad attitude.
> I think she's an idiot.
> If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.
>
> December 26
> Still snowed in.
> Why the hell did I ever move here?
> It was all HER idea.
> She's really getting on my nerves.
>
> December 27
> Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.
>
> December 28
> Warmed up to above -20.
> Still snowed in.
> The BITCH is driving me crazy!!!
>
> December 29
> 10 more inches.
> Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in.
> That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
>
> December 30
> Roof caved in.
> I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass.
> The wife went home to her mother.
> Nine more inches predicted.
>
> December 31
> I set fire to what's left of the house.
> No more shoveling.
>
> January 8
> Feel so good.
> I just love those little white pills they keep giving me.
> Why am I tied to the bed?
>
>