Dear Abby...

[the chi]

Head up her ass or no?

DEAR ABBY: I am only 24, but consider myself an old-fashioned parent. My wife and I have three daughters who are the center of our lives. Everywhere we go, we are complimented on how well-behaved our children are. When asked for our "secret," we tell the truth -- we use the belt to keep our children in line. When I was a child, my mom did the same with me, and I know it's more help than harm.

The problem is, as soon as people hear it they assume we simply beat our kids into submission. How can I help people understand that discipline and abuse are two different things? -- JOHN IN SAVANNAH

DEAR JOHN: Abuse and discipline ARE two different things. Abuse is punishment. Discipline teaches -- and helps a child to eventually become self-disciplined. Using a belt on your little girls shows them that violence is acceptable -- and that they can expect it from you, just as you learned it was acceptable from your parents.

There are more effective ways to communicate with children than by hitting them with belts. Grounding them, taking away toys, cell phone and television privileges are effective, nonviolent and preferable means of letting a child know that certain behaviors are unacceptable.

I say head up her ass!! I am a full advocate of a kid getting their butt beat when warranted. I had my fair share as a child, and they were all deserved. But my parents also made clear before and after that they loved me, preferred not to do it, but that I gave them no choice.

As a result, I am a well balanced (usually), responsible adult who totally respects and loves my parents. They didnt beat me, nor do I think spanking is an act of violence (unless it is abuse) but theres a difference between spanking and abuse. As for being an advocate of it, HELL YES, beat a kids ass when they need it. My parents beat my butt, but resorted to Dear Abby's other methods of discipline with my 2 much younger sisters. As a result, my sisters disrespect, talk back, and walk all over my parents, with my oldest sister actaully raising her hand to them a time or 2. Grounding, time out, verbal punishment just simply doesnt do it. At least not in my family.

Whats ya'lls take?

[Mr Lefty]

abby is a whore... sorry but not all punishment is abuse...

I'm sure she has no problem with someone gettting tazored or shot if they were trying to rape her or hurt her...

there is a fine line between punishment and abuse... but to say globally that punishment is abuse is bullshit.

[fatbuckRTO]

Was there ever any doubt that Abby had her head up her ass?

Sometimes the only way to get a child's full attention is to spank them. I'd say it should be a very last resort, though, because I've seen what happens to some kids who get spanked too much. It just becomes routine and the message, the idea of "this is the very worst I could possibly do to you, that's how bad you fucked up," gets lost.

I think grounding is effective for older kids, because they're more defined by their social interactions. Younger kids can entertain themselves for hours with a stray piece of paper, so grounding is less effective for them.

Originally Posted by ebbs15

abby is a whore... sorry but not all punishment is abuse...

Exactly. By that same token, not all abuse is punishment. Some people abuse just to abuse. If an adult can't make the distinction, there's little hope for her child. The idea that children should never be punished is pure naivety, and a dangerous way to raise a child.

[rogue]

I got my ass spanked with a belt, flyswat, or switch anytime I got out of line. I spanked mine too. When they were little it was with my hand....one or two usually done the trick. When a hand spanking -as no longer effective, I spatted them with a paint stirring stick. As they begin to get older & understand punishment more, the firs time I talked to them, the second was grounding, spankings last.

Both of mine are teens now. Usually discussing the issue works. I haven't had to ground them in over a year, but my kids are generally good too. There's not much they do I need to discipline them for.

[Mr Lefty]

Originally Posted by fatbuckRTO

Was there ever any doubt that Abby had her head up her ass?

Sometimes the only way to get a child's full attention is to spank them. I'd say it should be a very last resort, though, because I've seen what happens to some kids who get spanked too much. It just becomes routine and the message, the idea of "this is the very worst I could possibly do to you, that's how bad you fucked up," gets lost.

I think grounding is effective for older kids, because they're more defined by their social interactions. Younger kids can entertain themselves for hours with a stray piece of paper, so grounding is less effective for them.

Exactly. By that same token, not all abuse is punishment. Some people abuse just to abuse. If an adult can't make the distinction, there's little hope for her child.

exactly... by that same token... abby is a moron.

[jtemple]

I'm All for corporal punishment. I use it on my own son. The key is to figure out what is effective on your child and follow through with punishments. If your punishments are nothing but empty threats, they are guaranteed to fail.

If you are going to use physical punishment on a child, it is very important that you dish it out without anger. If you are angry, Send your kid to their room while you cool off. Parents that get angry and punish their children are more likely to lose control and take it too far.

As stated above, be quick to show your child some love after punishment.

[the chi]

Glad to know Im not crazy here...there is a line btw the 2 that should be carefully observed...I am not one to stand quiet when I see evidence of abuse, but neither will I interfere with a parent punishing their child so long as it stays within the punishment and not abuse area.

[JARVIS518]

got my ass beat with belts and whatever else that was in reach of my dad,
i turned out ok i think

[fatbuckRTO]

Originally Posted by The Chi

As a result, my sisters disrespect, talk back, and walk all over my parents, with my oldest sister actaully raising her hand to them a time or 2. Grounding, time out, verbal punishment just simply doesnt do it. At least not in my family.

Whats ya'lls take?

Jesus Christ, my dad would have taken me in the back yard and made me a cripple. And rightly so.

My mom slapped me one time when I was about 14, and I saw it coming and could have caught her hand. I didn't because I knew exactly what would have happened to me if I did.

[rogue]

Originally Posted by jtemple

I'm All for corporal punishment. I use it on my own son. The key is to figure out what is effective on your child and follow through with punishments. If your punishments are nothing but empty threats, they are guaranteed to fail.

If you are going to use physical punishment on a child, it is very important that you dish it out without anger. If you are angry, Send your kid to their room while you cool off. Parents that get angry and punish their children are more likely to lose control and take it too far.

As stated above, be quick to show your child some love after punishment.

Especially about not punishing while angry.