Today's Funny - Page 7

karl_1052 · 01-14-2010, 11:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by derf

Just talked to a friend of mine.

He was a groomsman in a wedding over the weekend, the bride, who is apparently a real bitch (like world class bitch from hell). 3 hours before the wedding was at the catering hall dropping off some last minute stuff because she wanted everything to be perfect. Got into a fight with the florist because the shade of the flowers didnt match her eyes, she spit at the florist while he was talking to her and she told him to fix it. So the florist packed up and started to take his shit back and screw the wedding job, she started to chase him out of the hall (running) while wearing high heels, tripped and broke both her ankles (like very broken). She refused to miss the ceremony so instead of going to a hospital had her mother carry her around got in her dress, and went to the church. While she was walking down the aisle a bone broke the skin putting her on the floor in the middle of the church. She tried to walk 2 more times yelling and cursing that everybody ruined her wedding day and started to spit at people when everybody started to tell her that the wedding needed to be postponed until she went to the hospital. Her husband was trying to convince her to accept medical attention and she spit in his face.

Apparently while they were loading her in the ambulance he took his ring off tossed it at her and said that he was gonna have fun at the break up party (reception) and she could keep the ring. (DAMN!!!)

I hate to say it but the girl was a complete bitch and deserved what she got

WTF that can't be real? You saw it on MTV, or sumthin.

marko138 · 01-14-2010, 11:21 AM

That can't be true. C'mon Fred, for real?

CasterTroy · 01-14-2010, 04:56 PM

WTF did he marry? an alpaca?

defector · 01-14-2010, 05:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by derf

Just talked to a friend of mine.

He was a groomsman in a wedding over the weekend, the bride, who is apparently a real bitch (like world class bitch from hell). 3 hours before the wedding was at the catering hall dropping off some last minute stuff because she wanted everything to be perfect. Got into a fight with the florist because the shade of the flowers didnt match her eyes, she spit at the florist while he was talking to her and she told him to fix it. So the florist packed up and started to take his shit back and screw the wedding job, she started to chase him out of the hall (running) while wearing high heels, tripped and broke both her ankles (like very broken). She refused to miss the ceremony so instead of going to a hospital had her mother carry her around got in her dress, and went to the church. While she was walking down the aisle a bone broke the skin putting her on the floor in the middle of the church. She tried to walk 2 more times yelling and cursing that everybody ruined her wedding day and started to spit at people when everybody started to tell her that the wedding needed to be postponed until she went to the hospital. Her husband was trying to convince her to accept medical attention and she spit in his face.

Apparently while they were loading her in the ambulance he took his ring off tossed it at her and said that he was gonna have fun at the break up party (reception) and she could keep the ring. (DAMN!!!)

I hate to say it but the girl was a complete bitch and deserved what she got

Sounds like she has a black belt in white trash.

racedoll · 01-15-2010, 04:38 PM

This one is courtesy of Tached1000RR - thank you for making my Friday!!!

A Blonde's Year in Review

January
Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February
Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....
Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer!!!

March
Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months......
Box said ' 2-4 years!'

April
Trapped on escalator for hours ...
Power went out!!!

May
Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....
8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!

June
Tried to go water skiing.......
Couldn't find a lake with a slope..

July
Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....
Learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August
Got locked out of my car in rain storm.....
Car swamped because soft-top was open.

September
The capital of California is 'C'.....isn't it???

October
Hate M & M's.....
They are so hard to peel.

November
Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days ...
Instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!

December
Couldn't call 911.
'Duh'.....there's no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone!!!

THE BEST BLONDE JOK E OF THE YEAR - SO FAR

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.

She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house.

A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, 'Is something wrong?'

To which she replied, 'There certainly is!'

(Are you ready? This is a beauty...)

'My stupid computer keeps saying, 'YOU'VE GOT MAIL!'

wildchild · 01-15-2010, 05:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by racedoll

'My stupid computer keeps saying, 'YOU'VE GOT MAIL!'

perfect way to end a Fri. LMAO

CasterTroy · 02-16-2010, 04:54 PM

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and explaining the phenomenon of "mixed emotions". The husband turned to his wife and said, "Honey, that is a bunch of crap. I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time.

She said: "Out of all your friends, you have the biggest dick."

marko138 · 02-16-2010, 04:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CasterTroy

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and explaining the phenomenon of "mixed emotions". The husband turned to his wife and said, "Honey, that is a bunch of crap. I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time.

She said: "Out of all your friends, you have the biggest dick."

Zoinks.

Particle Man · 02-23-2010, 10:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CasterTroy

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and explaining the phenomenon of "mixed emotions". The husband turned to his wife and said, "Honey, that is a bunch of crap. I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time.

She said: "Out of all your friends, you have the biggest dick."

Ouch

Amber Lamps · 02-23-2010, 11:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Particle Man

Ouch

Wow! Sounds like my ex!!!

01-14-2010, 04:56 PM	#63
CasterTroy ................ Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: NC Posts: 3,028	WTF did he marry? an alpaca? __________________ “Being tolerant does not mean that I share another one’s belief. But it does mean that I acknowledge another one’s right to believe, and obey, his own conscience.” Viktor Frankl

01-15-2010, 04:38 PM	#65
racedoll AMA Supersport Join Date: Nov 2008 Moto: '04 Kawasaki ZX6RR Posts: 3,392	This one is courtesy of Tached1000RR - thank you for making my Friday!!! A Blonde's Year in Review January Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. February Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels..... Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer!!! March Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months...... Box said ' 2-4 years!' April Trapped on escalator for hours ... Power went out!!! May Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions.... 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!! June Tried to go water skiing....... Couldn't find a lake with a slope.. July Lost breast stroke swimming competition..... Learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!! August Got locked out of my car in rain storm..... Car swamped because soft-top was open. September The capital of California is 'C'.....isn't it??? October Hate M & M's..... They are so hard to peel. November Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days ... Instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!! December Couldn't call 911. 'Duh'.....there's no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone!!! THE BEST BLONDE JOK E OF THE YEAR - SO FAR A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house. A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, 'Is something wrong?' To which she replied, 'There certainly is!' (Are you ready? This is a beauty...) 'My stupid computer keeps saying, 'YOU'VE GOT MAIL!' Last edited by racedoll; 01-15-2010 at 07:20 PM..

02-16-2010, 04:54 PM	#67
CasterTroy ................ Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: NC Posts: 3,028	A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and explaining the phenomenon of "mixed emotions". The husband turned to his wife and said, "Honey, that is a bunch of crap. I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time. She said: "Out of all your friends, you have the biggest dick." __________________ “Being tolerant does not mean that I share another one’s belief. But it does mean that I acknowledge another one’s right to believe, and obey, his own conscience.” Viktor Frankl