Totals from the Blueridge Bike Fest

askmrjesus · 04-16-2010, 11:24 AM

I've just recently returned from the Blueridge Bike Fest, in Roanoke Virginia.

I didn't want to go. It's a Harleyish nightmare of puke, but I was on business, so there I was, in the very heart of Shitsville, USA.

Here are the totals:

Category Number 1: T-Shirts

Wolves: 870
Eagles: 2330
Flames: 6424
Skulls: 2084
Rebel Flags: 4283
Flaming Wolf Skulls: 9

Category Number 2: Fat Stinky Whores

With tattoos: 1452
Without tattoos: 12
With tattoos, but without a noticeable dental plan:1066
With tattoos, without a noticeable dental plan, and wearing a patch on her vest that said "Property of Snake" : 1

You really have to give it up for Snake. So few men are willing to commit on that level.

Category Number 3: Number of bikes I would actually want to ride

Fatbobs: 0

FLXTRDLTRRXXST's: 0

Road Kings with fringe of the floor boards: 0

All other Road Kings: Still 0

Category Number 4: Drunk skinny meth-head chicks in fish net halter tops, who tried to entice me with a 16oz. can of Bud Light at 10:30 Sunday morning: 1

Category Number 5: Fat people

Hard to get a total on this one, let's just go with: Most I've ever seen outside of a Wal-Mart.

Category Number 6: Number of times during the weekend, I wished I were trapped in a coal mine: 84

Category Number 7: Number of people who looked they just got rescued from a coal mine: 6523

And there you have it. The Blueridge Bike Fest (teeth optional).

JC

04-16-2010, 11:24 AM	#1
askmrjesus Soul Man Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Everywhere, all the time. Moto: '0000 Custom Turbo Cross (with jet kit). Posts: 6,481	Totals from the Blueridge Bike Fest I've just recently returned from the Blueridge Bike Fest, in Roanoke Virginia. I didn't want to go. It's a Harleyish nightmare of puke, but I was on business, so there I was, in the very heart of Shitsville, USA. Here are the totals: Category Number 1: T-Shirts Wolves: 870 Eagles: 2330 Flames: 6424 Skulls: 2084 Rebel Flags: 4283 Flaming Wolf Skulls: 9 Category Number 2: Fat Stinky Whores With tattoos: 1452 Without tattoos: 12 With tattoos, but without a noticeable dental plan:1066 With tattoos, without a noticeable dental plan, and wearing a patch on her vest that said "Property of Snake" : 1 You really have to give it up for Snake. So few men are willing to commit on that level. Category Number 3: Number of bikes I would actually want to ride Fatbobs: 0 FLXTRDLTRRXXST's: 0 Road Kings with fringe of the floor boards: 0 All other Road Kings: Still 0 Category Number 4: Drunk skinny meth-head chicks in fish net halter tops, who tried to entice me with a 16oz. can of Bud Light at 10:30 Sunday morning: 1 Category Number 5: Fat people Hard to get a total on this one, let's just go with: Most I've ever seen outside of a Wal-Mart. Category Number 6: Number of times during the weekend, I wished I were trapped in a coal mine: 84 Category Number 7: Number of people who looked they just got rescued from a coal mine: 6523 And there you have it. The Blueridge Bike Fest (teeth optional). JC __________________ The way things are going, they're gonna crucify me.