A funny for the females...

z06boy · 06-26-2009, 11:28 AM

...or guys for having to deal with them.

This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company
Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets
rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors'
choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years
and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core
or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa
dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach
in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your
revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough
to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how
safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my
pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I'm guessing you
haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I
can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just
a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into
what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.'
Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen
quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's
monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the
bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood
swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize
it's a tough time for most women.

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just
crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the
reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so
painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I
opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing,
were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny
middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing
happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything
mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James?

FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be
anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on
Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't
march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a
sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out of your ass, man! If you have to
slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say
something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or
'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong.'

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective
immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have
chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will
certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your
brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep.

Always. .

Best,

Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX

the chi · 06-26-2009, 11:31 AM

I so understand where she's coming from!! Nothing irritates me more than those stupid messages...

Sixxxxer · 06-26-2009, 11:33 AM

F 16 In her Pants

LMFAO

Rider · 06-26-2009, 11:35 AM

Uptight bitch.

marko138 · 06-26-2009, 11:38 AM

Wow.

the chi · 06-26-2009, 11:38 AM

Dont make me kill you Ed.

No, seriously.

Sixxxxer · 06-26-2009, 11:39 AM

Calm down oompa loompa.

Ninjakel · 06-26-2009, 11:42 AM

Rider · 06-26-2009, 11:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Chi

Dont make me kill you Ed.

No, seriously.

What would you rather it say? "I hope you bleed like a stuck pig?"

I think "have a happy period" is much more sympathetic

CrazyKell · 06-26-2009, 11:59 AM

Why have a period at all?

Funny letter though.

06-26-2009, 11:28 AM	#1
z06boy Letzroll Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Lake Norman area, NC Moto: 07 Red R1 & 07 Blue R6 Posts: 5,265	A funny for the females... ...or guys for having to deal with them. This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter. Dear Mr. Thatcher, I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants. Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing? As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.' Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull your head out of your ass, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong.' Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep. Always. . Best, Wendi Aarons Austin , TX

06-26-2009, 11:33 AM	#3
Sixxxxer Like Gixxxxer But Not Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Dirty Jersey Moto: 2008 ZX6R Posts: 4,891	F 16 In her Pants LMFAO __________________ [FRSH] Candy Plasma Blue

06-26-2009, 11:39 AM	#7
Sixxxxer Like Gixxxxer But Not Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Dirty Jersey Moto: 2008 ZX6R Posts: 4,891	Calm down oompa loompa. __________________ [FRSH] Candy Plasma Blue

06-26-2009, 11:42 AM	#8
Ninjakel Post whorette Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: South Florida Moto: 2006 GSXR 600- Posts: 3,992	__________________ I'm gonna punch you in the ovary, that's what I'm gonna do. A straight shot. Right to the babymaker. --Ron Burgundy-- Anchorman

06-26-2009, 11:35 AM	#4
Rider Moto GP Star Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 12,156	Uptight bitch.

06-26-2009, 11:59 AM	#10
CrazyKell Vrooom Join Date: Nov 2008 Moto: 06 ZX6R Posts: 4,427	Why have a period at all? Funny letter though.