Rossi falls, needs stitches.....No, really...

xx CURVE xx · 02-04-2009, 11:35 AM

Curtains for Rossi?
Clumsy Italian falls through coffee table
(04/02/2009) http://www.motogpnews.com/home.php?pageid=1207

Clumsy Italian world champion oaf Valentino Rossi has proven that his whilst skillsets may include handling a 220bhp Yamaha and flirting with the boys it doesn't, sadly, include the mundane task of closing the curtains.
Rossi, yellow, proved this point on Monday after falling through a glass table whilst attempting to close his stylish drapes.

"Argh! My hand!" Is it curtains for Rossi?

"It all happened so fast" said a neighbour who likes to spy on the Italian in the hope of selling his story to 'OK' "Rossi was closing the curtains in his usual style, you know with one leg daintily in the air whilst winking at himself in the mirror, when he stumbled. I'm not sure why but it wouldn't surprise me at all if he'd carelessly left a wet teacake on the laminate flooring and that he'd slipped on that. Anyway there was a mighty crash and then a lot of sobbing. In my many years of spying I've seen some stuff but never that."

Fortunately for all Rossi's fat friend wasn't there to catch him so the Italian chose instead a glass table that he'd recently purchased from Argos to fall through. The comedy fall, which not only saw him smash the table but also knock over a vase spilling water down the back of his Goodman's Stereo, caused numerous lacerations to his hand and foot.
Not wanting to take any chances Rossi took himself down to the local hospital where he was treated for a severe case 'wasting doctor's time' and told to piss off home stop being a crybaby.

Although Rossi claims it was a total accident police are said to be treating the incident as 'suspicious yet uninteresting' after a bald man with an annoying beard was said to have been seen loitering near Rossi's home with what one witness said was a 'wet teacake'.

The MotoGPNews guide to other amusing off-track related spills

Hodgson and the scorpion
Journeyman Neil Hodgson was once amusingly stung on his left eyelid by a scorpion. Ironically the history books confirm that at exactly the same time as Neil's arachnid adventure his better looking yet amazingly more boring understudy James Toseland was clinching his second Superbike World Title.

Mlandin's bladder
AMA 'Nearly-Man' Matt Mlandin has suffered from bladder accidents (mainly in the form of uninvited leakage) since early 2006. Thankfully these have since rescinded for 2009 in no part due, Matt's website claims, to the arrival of Tommy Hayden and the departure of the all American sap Ben Spies.

Gibernau and the crow
Although Sete has never admitted it rumours have been circulating that last year the oily Spaniard [Gibernau] was attacked in his garden by a highly enraged crow. The story suggests that Gibbers was outside practicing his 'victory point' when his finger accidentally prodded a crow's nest in a tree branch above. Wanting to protect its young form any form of greasy proddage the incensed raven launched an aerial attack upon Sete in what observes described as 'a series of majestic arcs and threatening swoops'.
Eventually, the story concludes, Gibbers was forced indoors and refused to leave his home for several weeks claiming that the crow kept pecking his windows.

Ermolenko's eye
It was said that 'Sudden 600cc' Sam Ermolenko could re-sleeve his GM cylinder in less than a 1/4 of a second of seeing a meddlesome FIM official heading his direction with a tape-measure. However these didn't stop Sam once getting some paint in his eye and having to take a few days off. After the accident Sam famously claimed that his vision was so impaired that to him Havelock's nose looked almost straight.

Checa's armchair lowside
When it comes to lowside spills not many can match the on track abilities. But it seems that Charlie is the master of all kinds of lowsides after crashed his armchair whilst leaning over too far to reach the TV guide that his dog had been chewing. The clumsy crash saw Carlos land awkwardly onto his ornamental Venus de Milo miniature statue.

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02-04-2009, 11:35 AM	#11
xx CURVE xx SMELL MY LEVER Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Texas Moto: Tards Posts: 1,034	Curtains for Rossi? Clumsy Italian falls through coffee table (04/02/2009) http://www.motogpnews.com/home.php?pageid=1207 Clumsy Italian world champion oaf Valentino Rossi has proven that his whilst skillsets may include handling a 220bhp Yamaha and flirting with the boys it doesn't, sadly, include the mundane task of closing the curtains. Rossi, yellow, proved this point on Monday after falling through a glass table whilst attempting to close his stylish drapes. "Argh! My hand!" Is it curtains for Rossi? "It all happened so fast" said a neighbour who likes to spy on the Italian in the hope of selling his story to 'OK' "Rossi was closing the curtains in his usual style, you know with one leg daintily in the air whilst winking at himself in the mirror, when he stumbled. I'm not sure why but it wouldn't surprise me at all if he'd carelessly left a wet teacake on the laminate flooring and that he'd slipped on that. Anyway there was a mighty crash and then a lot of sobbing. In my many years of spying I've seen some stuff but never that." Fortunately for all Rossi's fat friend wasn't there to catch him so the Italian chose instead a glass table that he'd recently purchased from Argos to fall through. The comedy fall, which not only saw him smash the table but also knock over a vase spilling water down the back of his Goodman's Stereo, caused numerous lacerations to his hand and foot. Not wanting to take any chances Rossi took himself down to the local hospital where he was treated for a severe case 'wasting doctor's time' and told to piss off home stop being a crybaby. Although Rossi claims it was a total accident police are said to be treating the incident as 'suspicious yet uninteresting' after a bald man with an annoying beard was said to have been seen loitering near Rossi's home with what one witness said was a 'wet teacake'. The MotoGPNews guide to other amusing off-track related spills Hodgson and the scorpion Journeyman Neil Hodgson was once amusingly stung on his left eyelid by a scorpion. Ironically the history books confirm that at exactly the same time as Neil's arachnid adventure his better looking yet amazingly more boring understudy James Toseland was clinching his second Superbike World Title. Mlandin's bladder AMA 'Nearly-Man' Matt Mlandin has suffered from bladder accidents (mainly in the form of uninvited leakage) since early 2006. Thankfully these have since rescinded for 2009 in no part due, Matt's website claims, to the arrival of Tommy Hayden and the departure of the all American sap Ben Spies. Gibernau and the crow Although Sete has never admitted it rumours have been circulating that last year the oily Spaniard [Gibernau] was attacked in his garden by a highly enraged crow. The story suggests that Gibbers was outside practicing his 'victory point' when his finger accidentally prodded a crow's nest in a tree branch above. Wanting to protect its young form any form of greasy proddage the incensed raven launched an aerial attack upon Sete in what observes described as 'a series of majestic arcs and threatening swoops'. Eventually, the story concludes, Gibbers was forced indoors and refused to leave his home for several weeks claiming that the crow kept pecking his windows. Ermolenko's eye It was said that 'Sudden 600cc' Sam Ermolenko could re-sleeve his GM cylinder in less than a 1/4 of a second of seeing a meddlesome FIM official heading his direction with a tape-measure. However these didn't stop Sam once getting some paint in his eye and having to take a few days off. After the accident Sam famously claimed that his vision was so impaired that to him Havelock's nose looked almost straight. Checa's armchair lowside When it comes to lowside spills not many can match the on track abilities. But it seems that Charlie is the master of all kinds of lowsides after crashed his armchair whilst leaning over too far to reach the TV guide that his dog had been chewing. The clumsy crash saw Carlos land awkwardly onto his ornamental Venus de Milo miniature statue.