how do i beat impetuousness

[the chi]

Well, my best method so far is to talk myself out of things. This can go both ways however.

If you are talking about strictly material things, I stop and ask myself, do I NEED this right now? Is there something else more important that I should take care of first? And go on from there.

[Dova80]

Material things I usually want but do have an understanding of what I can and can not have.... my problem is when I want something I go after it, but with people (mainly women) I have as of late really been doing horribly, making myself seem like "the crazy guy"

I think I am loosing my touch, or rather just out of practice. When selling things, job interviews, whatever not a problem... it just seems lately I am far to impetious with women. Its frustrating and I dont really know how to correct it....

[Dova80]

Originally Posted by Rsv1000R

The best teacher in the world is pain, Pain tells you you did something wrong. But while it's very effective (to most people), it can be unpleasant.

If this behavior causes pain afterwords, remember that pain, and use it to temper your impetuousness. If there's no inner pain, it'll be up to self-control, delays like what tigger suggested will work for some, but there's not a lot of limits to what people can rationalize. Look inward, find what caused you to start this thread.

Pain does nothing but make me angry and fight with ever tooth and nail I have to do waht I want anyway. Not physically but mentally pain does not stop me...

[the chi]

Originally Posted by Dova80

Material things I usually want but do have an understanding of what I can and can not have.... my problem is when I want something I go after it, but with people (mainly women) I have as of late really been doing horribly, making myself seem like "the crazy guy"

I think I am loosing my touch, or rather just out of practice. When selling things, job interviews, whatever not a problem... it just seems lately I am far to impetious with women. Its frustrating and I dont really know how to correct it....

Try not to scare them. Kinda kidding, but only just...

If youre coming on too strong, just remind yourself to play it cool. What type of behavior are you displaying exactly? Like the "i love you, we'll have a house, and 2.5 kids with a white picket fence?" or "nice shoes, wanna ..." ?

[Dova80]

Originally Posted by The Chi

Try not to scare them. Kinda kidding, but only just...

If youre coming on too strong, just remind yourself to play it cool. What type of behavior are you displaying exactly? Like the "i love you, we'll have a house, and 2.5 kids with a white picket fence?" or "nice shoes, wanna ..." ?

Neither I tend to think explaining myself and laying it all out there is better than just saying "thats great" which I wind up doing and then I look back and thing "FUCK!"

So from a friend who watched listened read whatever she says I am coming on to strong which I translate to impetuousness because thats what it is... My brain usually works in a larger time scale than most do, say for instance

Jeremy(best friend) is married but there was a time when he and his wife had trouble they split up(now back together and happier than ever) and he and I were doing stupid shit. He started banging this chick named Mary, of which I am still friends with. He asked me one night at the bar here recently to call her and see how she is doing. My brain said no and asked why I said well if 6 months your wife finds out I dont want you being up shit creek, he had a dumbfounded look on his face and said I just wanted to know how she was doing(we were all friends and still are but he doesnt talk to her due to the respect of his marriage) I proceeded to explain to him that there is a chance she might be here in town if that were the case does she come out and see us? If she does that your wife finds out she not only will cut your nuts off but cook them up and feed them to you via blended drink, but you will also loose the relationship you have. If your wife were to ask me about this and why I just did not call then not only would you be up shit creek but your going to drag me into this mess as well.

He laughs at me because he asked when did you think of all this? I said just now... he laughs saying you think to far ahead.

Ok, you start to see how my brain works, so I dont explain myself I lay everything out there in my head in an instant, and then proceed to tell another person about the things going on in my head that come spewing out like verbal diarrhea, to see a confused frightened, and utterly befuddled person looking back at me.

[2up]

Originally Posted by Dova80

Neither I tend to think explaining myself and laying it all out there is better than just saying "thats great" which I wind up doing and then I look back and thing "FUCK!"

So from a friend who watched listened read whatever she says I am coming on to strong which I translate to impetuousness because thats what it is... My brain usually works in a larger time scale than most do, say for instance

Jeremy(best friend) is married but there was a time when he and his wife had trouble they split up(now back together and happier than ever) and he and I were doing stupid shit. He started banging this chick named Mary, of which I am still friends with. He asked me one night at the bar here recently to call her and see how she is doing. My brain said no and asked why I said well if 6 months your wife finds out I dont want you being up shit creek, he had a dumbfounded look on his face and said I just wanted to know how she was doing(we were all friends and still are but he doesnt talk to her due to the respect of his marriage) I proceeded to explain to him that there is a chance she might be here in town if that were the case does she come out and see us? If she does that your wife finds out she not only will cut your nuts off but cook them up and feed them to you via blended drink, but you will also loose the relationship you have. If your wife were to ask me about this and why I just did not call then not only would you be up shit creek but your going to drag me into this mess as well.

He laughs at me because he asked when did you think of all this? I said just now... he laughs saying you think to far ahead.

Ok, you start to see how my brain works, so I dont explain myself I lay everything out there in my head in an instant, and then proceed to tell another person about the things going on in my head that come spewing out like verbal diarrhea, to see a confused frightened, and utterly befuddled person looking back at me.

A. In the situation with Jeremy, your brain worked perfectly well. His is the one with issues. Seriously.

B. Do you mean you fall too quickly for woman, or you tell them too much too quickly. I for one appreciate a guy who is forthright. No, I don't need to know about his exes, his bowl functions, his inner most fears, etc, right off the bat (or ever in the case of the first 2 ) but I do want to know what makes him tick. Does coming on too strong mean you call 5 minutes after the 1st date and every 15 minutes thereafter and send her flowers and name your kids? need specifics.

[Dova80]

Originally Posted by 2up

A. In the situation with Jeremy, your brain worked perfectly well. His is the one with issues. Seriously.

B. Do you mean you fall too quickly for woman, or you tell them too much too quickly. I for one appreciate a guy who is forthright. No, I don't need to know about his exes, his bowl functions, his inner most fears, etc, right off the bat (or ever in the case of the first 2 ) but I do want to know what makes him tick. Does coming on too strong mean you call 5 minutes after the 1st date and every 15 minutes thereafter and send her flowers and name your kids? need specifics.

A) He honestly was just wanting to see how she was doing we were/are all friends.

B) Fall to quickly for the ones that meet certain standards, perhaps, if they meet certain requirements then yes there is always a possibility of a relationship but I would require more time with the girl to find out about her personality. I have expressed this to one girl and I never heard back from her...lol So all in all the one girl that has actually caused a very high interest I have ruined by being impetuous hence I ask how to stop it.

There are certain things I do not talk about one of them is bowl functions

I dont call 5 mins after the first date unless I have a reason to do so (I.E. You left something in my car I think you might need) I call when I want to arrange for a time and date to meet up or see each other, or just to check and see how she is doing but not all the time. Flowers yes but at random times, only when I feel like it might be worthwhile, not all the time. Names of children should be saved till after you can poop in the same house without being embarrassed.

[Rsv1000R]

Originally Posted by Dova80

Ok, you start to see how my brain works, so I dont explain myself I lay everything out there in my head in an instant, and then proceed to tell another person about the things going on in my head that come spewing out like verbal diarrhea, to see a confused frightened, and utterly befuddled person looking back at me.

Ok, then don't do this. Watch for when you start doing this, then when you notice it, stop. It's not easy, that's why pain helps, when you keep getting hurt after jumping off a roof, pretty soon you start thinking about the hurt, before you jump, that's your clue to stop, or at least change what you're landing on.

[the chi]

Originally Posted by Rsv1000R

Ok, then don't do this. Watch for when you start doing this, then when you notice it, stop. It's not easy, that's why pain helps, when you keep getting hurt after jumping off a roof, pretty soon you start thinking about the hurt, before you jump, that's your clue to stop, or at least change what you're landing on.

I both agree and disagree. Being a "verbal spewer" myself, I have learned that people can either take it all or not at all. If they cant take me being me, then well, they can go their own way. I am very open and honest, if you ask a question I WILL answer it, whether you are going to like it or not, as well as volunteering info I feel is pertinent. But I tell people up front, this is how I am. "Im warning you now, so later you cant say I didnt tell you." It works out well for me. I dont leave people with illusions to be dashed in regards to who I really am and I am definitely happier that way. And there will be someone who can understand and work with you in a relationship aspect.

[Rsv1000R]

Originally Posted by The Chi

I both agree and disagree. Being a "verbal spewer" myself, I have learned that people can either take it all or not at all. If they cant take me being me, then well, they can go their own way.

I tend to do the same (spew that is), But I try to take some pity on people I talk with and not bore them to death, at least not until they figure out I have a few redeeming qualities. Now, pretty girls get a lot more leeway, or maybe it's just some of your redeeming qualities are more apparent.